...thought...WOW! Look at where I am in life..is this where I thought I would be when I was a little girl? Or even at 16? 21? Did I really think I would end up here?
...And where is here? Am I growing? Happy? Is my family happy?
It seems to be a constant worry on my mind is whether or not my boys are happy. Do I do enough for them? Am I raising them right? Are they content? Learning? What do I need to do to make life better for them?
Sometimes I feel as if I am failing. You look at other parents and compare yourself to them.
I look at my house and want to cry. But Mommy can't lose it. If Mommy loses it, we will all lose it and then what?
I look over my sleeping baby boys and just wish I could be more to them. I wish I was a better parent, a better wife, a better friend..yet for all this wishing...I never step up. I don't change my ways. I stay the same. Make the same mistakes over and over again.
And then I say, Yes, I can change. And I don't. It is a never ending cycle that I put my family through and for that I am sorry. I wish they all knew how sorry I was for who I am. They deserve better.
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