My 21 Day Fix Journey - DAY 0

I have been needing something to kick me in the butt and get me motivated. My weight has skyrocketed to more than my highest pregnancy weight. I have had many changes over the past two years, exams, promotions, moving, etc. All "good" excuses for not staying on a plan. But, is it really an excuse?

Everyone hears of all of these diets, exercises, etc. But what really works?

After 38 years on this planet and 20 years spent on and off "dieting", the one thing I have learned is that hard work and support are the two things you need to stay motivated.

Find a group, a person, a blog...anything where you can be you and be able to post about your feelings, ask for help, post your accomplishments, your downfalls, etc and feel safe doing so.

Pick any type of getting healthy forum you prefer but just pick one and stick with it. This is all about lifestyle change. I have done Weight Watchers (three times now), different types of apps, ordered DVDs, had a personal trainer etc. This time, I have joined a Beachbody team and am participating in a 21 day challenge as well as order the 21 day fix which includes a daily meal replacement called Shakeology.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CvgtirGELaY

It tastes good and it does keep you satisfied. I normally do not find that in a shake. Anyone who knows me, especially my husband, knows I am skeptical of everything. He was surprised that I got on board with this program and is fully supportive.

This is not for everyone. It requires a big commitment. You need to really want to change your life. It is not a magic pill. Drinking this shake will not make you lose weight. You need to want it! Exercise, eat right! If you don't, you will fail.

I am a full time working mom of 4 boys. It takes us 45 minutes to get to school in the morning and I am usually not home until 8 or 9 pm. This is a great online support system that I needed. So, when I think of all the money I have spent on meetings, weight loss shakes, pills, programs etc. the price for this honestly is not so bad.

Seeing these pictures below puts many things in to perspective. I know I haven't been happy. I know my doctor says I need to lose weight but nothing was enough to push me over the edge. What finally did? My friend asking if I wanted to join a challenge group with her. Sure, why not?

I didn't expect what I got in the group! Motivational stories, quotes, nutritional tips, exercise tips and most of all support. I found my safe place. And motivation to get my butt in gear.

The Orange Rhino Challenge! Day 1: November 24th, 2013

http://theorangerhino.com/the-challenge-details/

Above is the link.

Why do I want to do this?

I am the Mother of Four Boys.

Full time job in Financial Planning.

Married for 13+ Years.

Two Dogs, two Cats.

Overweight.

'Nuff Said.

Tax Free Weekend is coming up in Texas!

Don't forget to check the sales this weekend! Due to babysitting constraints I will not be amongst the chaos but good luck to everyone else!

Happy Shopping!

50% off Papa John's pizza

Every time the Rangers score 7 runs or more, you can get pizza the following day for 50% off. Just use the code Rangers7. This runs all season! After their record breaking performance last night, thought it would be a good reminder!

Katy Couponers: CVS run tonight for new ad

Katy Couponers: CVS run tonight for new ad

Walgreens Deals

I haven't had much time lately to blog, coupon, exercise, etc so one of my things to do is keep up with the sales and try to post the deals! I hit Walgreens today since I went to visit a friend who works there and her store had most of the items I was looking for! This is how I spaced my transactions. If I didn't have my 4 boys in tow, I probably could have done better but I'll take it.

Transaction #1:
6 M&Ms @ $0.49 each
2 Crest Pro Health @ $4.98/2
Coupons Used:
$1.00/1 x 2 for Crest
$0.75/2 x 3 for M&Ms

Paid $3.73 Got $3 back in RR for Crest

Transaction #2
2 Irish Spring Deodorant $6.00/2
1 Perfect Tampons $1.50
Coupons used:
$1/1 x 2 for Irish Spring
$3 RR

Paid $2.54 Got back $4 for Irish Spring and $1.50 for Tampons

Transaction #3
2 Scunci Hair elastics $3.00/2
1 Dentek Flosser $2.99
2 Munchkin Sippy cups $1.98/2
Coupons used:
$1/1 for Dentek
$4.00 and $1.50 RR

Paid $1.59 and got back $3 for elastics and $2 for Dentek

Overall cash paid: $7.86

Target Deal

John Frieda Full Repair is on clearance for $5.98! Pair with $5 off coupon (6/5 SS) and pay only $0.98! And if you printed the $3 off 2 Target coupon that was available a few weeks back, you'll be getting it all for FREE and then some! I had 5 coupons on me so I snagged 5! Also had 1 of the Target Printables! Paid $1.90 for all! Oh, and I have a Target Visa so I had an extra 5% off as well!

Walgreens Diaper Deal

Walgreens Brand Diapers (which I like) are on sale for $6 each.

When you buy $15 worth you get $3 in Register Rewards
When you buy $25 worth you get $5 in Register Rewards

Boxes of Wipes are priced @ $2 each and included in this deal. (And on the box of wipes is a peelie for $2 of Walgreens diapers when you buy wipes!)

This is what I did:

4 pkgs of diapers @ $24
1 box of wipes @ $2
LESS $2 store coupon

with tax paid $25.98 and I got $5 back!

Have not shopped at Walgreens in a while and there have not been any decent diaper deals so I was almost out! Oh the horror!

Hope this helps someone!

Samantha

20 items for $16.38! YAY!

Here are my 20 items that I purchased for under $20! That was my challenge when non-couponers from my new training class gave me a list of their most wanted items, with some rules of course! We didn't want to make it impossible! Just realistic! :-)

I wanted to break down the savings for you so your could see what I did! I had a few Extrabucks to burn and luckily had 2 -$4/20 coupons to use so that helped out!

Store Item Price MFG Store Total OOP

1. CVS Colgate Total $1.99 N/A <1.85> $0.14
2. CVS Schick Hydro Razor $8.99 <4.00> <4.85> $0.14
3. CVS Schick Quattro Razor $9.99 <4.00> <5.85> $0.14
4. CVS Edge Shave Gel $2.99 <0.75> <2.10> $0.14
5. CVS Venus Breeze Razor $9.99 <2.00> <7.14> $0.85
6. CVS Fusion Razor $9.97 <4.00> <5.82> $0.15
7. CVS Biotrue Contact Sol $2.99 N/A <2.84> $0.15
8. CVS Biotrue Contact Sol $2.99 N/A <2.84> $0.15
9. CVS Pantene Conditioner $2.49 <1.00> <1.34> $0.15
10. TT Crest 3D Toothpaste $2.50 <1.75> N/A $0.75
11. TT Garnier Spray Gel $2.79 <1.00> N/A $1.79
12. TT Pinesol $1.49 <1.00> N/A $0.49
13. Wags Old Spice Fiji $4.00 <2.00> <1.96> $0.04
14. Wags Old Spice Swagger $4.00 <2.00> <1.96> $0.04
15. Target Mint Herbal Tea $2.14 <0.75> <0.21> $1.18
16. Target Fusion Razor $7.00 <4.00> <0.70> $2.30
17. Target Fusion Razor $7.00 <4.00> <0.70> $2.30
18. Target Scope $2.99 <1.00> <0.30> $1.69
19. Target Scope $2.99 <1.00> <0.30> $1.69
20. Target Listerine $3.44 <1.00> <0.34> $2.10

TOTAL: SALE PRICES: $92.73 <35.25> <41.10> $16.38

Retail price for these items were $107.72. Some items were on sale so basically, if I had NO coupons, I would have paid $92.73 for the items. Because I had coupons, I only paid $16.38 for all of these items. $35.25 were manufacturer coupons that I clipped out of the paper or printed from the Internet. $41.10 were store coupons, my Extrabucks from CVS, Register Rewards from Walgreens and 10% Target Rewards card. In the end, I have $20.98 in Extrabucks to roll into my next transaction but unfortunately, I ran out of Register Rewards. That is OK though! This was a tough challenge and I was happy that I could actually pull it off!

Thanks to all my classmates for putting up with this Crazy Coupon Mom! :-)

Challenge: 20 items = $20....

...for us veteran couponers that doesn't seem like too much of a challenge does it? Hmm...let us put some other factors into play...

...I just got hired into another department at my company so I am currently in training with 20 other folks learning this side of the business. Only 7 of us are internal transfers and the other 14 folks have never worked at my investment firm and thus never had the pleasure of meeting me! :-)

...of course my couponing addiction comes up, so I make a challenge for myself! Everyone in the class needs to come up with one item that they use on a regular basis, whether it be a toiletry or food item (just can't be refrigerated for portability purposes) and I have to keep to a $20 budget! Rules are that it can't be anything obscure, needs to be an item that can be purchased at any grocery store or drug store and cannot retail for more than $10. (I didn't think it was fair if they asked me to get them something like a box of Crest Whitestrips for $1 LOL)

...most people in my class are pretty excited about it. I mean, who wouldn't! They are getting something for FREE! Some people thought they had to pay me to do this, which was so sweet, but I said "No, this is my hobby! I love the challenge that is why I made it up!" So, on Tuesday, when we go back to work, they will all have a special treat on their chair and I will share my results along with receipts!

....Some people have already given me an idea of what they want Fusion Razors, Pantene, Gillette deodorant....things us hard core couponers should already have in stock anyway. Even if we don't, we know where to get it! For the stuff I already own, I know what I paid for it, so I will just make a separate list for that cost!

....I have been out of the major couponing loop for a while, barely participating on coupon trains, trading, etc. so I thought this challenge would help me get back into it!

...I will post pics when I have everything purchased! Let me know what you think!

....Happy Shopping!

Soleil 100 Days

Soleil 100 Days: "There are thousands of fun, sharable prizes in the BIC® Soleil® 100 Days of Sunshine promotion. Join now! www.FeelTheSoleil.com"

Just watched Julie & Julia

...anyone ever seen it? I would highly recommend. To me, it was a movie that inspires. "I bet I could do that....."

...my 34th birthday just passed and of course another year old, another year wiser, makes you think.....ALOT....

...When I graduated from high school in 1994...16 years ago...my whole goal was to be a Broadcast Journalist. When I failed to get into the program, I think I cried harder than when I failed my driver's license test. At the time, this was my dream. My neighbor joked that he would see me on TV and I would be the next Connie Chung.

...Ha! And what I am doing now? Customer Service for a Financial Services Company...Boring....But, you know what? It also puts food on the table and a roof over our heads. "OUR"...as in my family..that is something that was not in my Broadcast Journalist dreams when I was 18 either...who knew I would have four children, let alone BOYS...

...so I am trying not to pick on the little things in life and be grateful for what I have. Though sometimes, it is so hard when you are absolutely stuck in a job going no where. I used to think I had a job where I could get promoted but I think I have reached that crossroads where there is no more. Oh well, nothing I can do about it at the moment. I really have to just grin and bear it for at least two more years. No use in missing out on free money. (After 5 years, I am fully vested in my profit sharing and company match! WOOHOO!)

...but what do I want to do? My husband asked me that question a couple of weeks ago. I don't really know right now. I am so unsure of what kind of job would make me completely whole. Sometimes I think it would be to be some sort of party planner, fundraiser organizer, something like that. Those are the only times besides writing for a weekly paper where I have been happy with what I was doing. And weekly papers pay diddly squat so I know I will not be going back to that. It is the whole reason I left in the first place...(well that and the crappiest editor ever)

...but after watching this movie, it really made me think how blogs are like therapy for people. They get their feelings out there and project them for the whole world to see. But what is my therapy? What do I need? Even I cannot answer that question right now. If I could actually commit to writing this blog on a daily basis maybe I could answer that question myself.

...so my motivation? Inspiration? Where should life be taking me now that I am 34? What goals do I set for myself? Things I need to think about...

My Target Score!

Finally something to write about! Not that there haven't been decent grocery deals going on like the Kroger Mega Sale but this is REALLY something great!

Leapfrog Tag Reading system $39.99 - $10 Target - $10 MFG = $19.99!!!

Link for $10 off Target coupon here
http://offers.e-centives.com/mcp/pd.cfm?encp=nfqJp995Rp9XGde%2B2JZ%2FCpuXUy%2BphBUHiQ7q2Vs4DhRP24Cz9w9E1C9rjkkmmcBZjTY6p7gCgBVP%0D%0AxNcQrT5XTDg6MGwh2AzUXgC9MtDP0vSTCDU8XpuP%2FMmxxD5UMu453jOJFO6GtcPzR5v%2FO9NHpG98%0D%0A5OJcGb0SFqPzAZ4cU3cZNueSC5cNTA%3D%3D

Link for $10 MFG coupon here

http://www.leapfrog.com/etc/medialib/leapfrog/coupons/additional_coupons.Par.63631.File.tmp/10%20off%20Print%20Coupon%20For%20Tag.pdf

Target has the best deal going if your family owns a Wii! All of my coupon friends are all over this deal and they should be! Target came out with an abundance of printable toy and game coupons! Ones for Wii, Xbox 360 and the PS3. They all expire before Black Friday but who needs Black Friday with deals like this!

I purchased 6 Wii games @ $19.99 each. They are Buy 2 Get 1 Free on sale this week through Saturday! I used 3 x $10/2Wii game coupons (Link to this coupon is same as above Target link) . Total before discount $119.94, after store sale $79.96 then I handed over my coupons $49.96..hmmm but that wasn't all for me....see I have a Target Redcard that I use to pay for essentials and pay it off every month. A portion of the proceeds goes to Freedom Elementary and I accumulate points for an extra 10% off shopping day! So why not today....SO after the extra 10% off, it is $41.98 + tax $3.46...yes I paid $45.44 for 6 Wii games! OH YEAH!

But it doesn't stop there! What else is a good deal in Target this week?

How about some dog food?

Chef Michael's dry dog food $4.49 - $1/1 Target coupon (8/30 SS) - $3/1 MFG coupon (10/11 SS) = $0.49 each!
I'll take 4 of those...

Chef Michael's canned dog food $0.87 - BOGO Target (8/30 SS) - BOGO MFG (10/11 SS) = FREE
I'll take 8 of those....

Cesar Bistro dog food $1.02 - BOGO Target (10/18 RP) - BOGO MFG (8/30 RP) = FREE
I'll take 10 of those....

The biggest item consumed in our household...

Skippy Peanut Butter 15 oz $1.89 - $1/1 Target (printable available at hotcouponworld.com in Target Generator) - $0.75/1 MFG (10/4 RP) = $0.14

Gotta think about the babies...

Luvs Boxed diapers Size 4 (96 ct) $16.99 - $1.50 Target Home mailer - $5 Home mailer = $10.49 or 10.9 cents per diaper...great deal...

Pampers Size 3 (36 ct) $8.99 - $2 Target Home mailer - $1.50 MFG (11/1 P&G)= $5.49 or 15.25 cents per diaper OK deal

BUT I also had a $5/$25 Baby purchase---apply to above pkgs...even GREATER deal...

Then there are some miscellaneous items I picked up...not great but OK deals since I had the extra 10% off for the day...

Arm & Hammer Clumping Litter 20lb $7.99 - $3/1 Printable = $4.99 (-.80)

http://www.armandhammer.com/?ITEMID=19

Kelly Clarkson CD on sale for $11.99 (splurge for me!) (-1.20)

Metal Water Canisters x 3 (these are awesome!) $2 (reg price $8.00) (-.20)

Blue Ice packs x 2 $0.48 each (reg price $1.98) (-0.05)

Honey $3.19 (-0.32)

Total OOP for ALL = $98.66
Total SAVED = $165.78!!!

Yeah that was worth leaving work early for! WOOHOO!

e-Couponing Etiquette

...I never knew this information before but am very happy to share! I always thought it was weird how I could use both paper and e-coupons but now I know better!

http://happycouponing.blogspot.com/2009/10/e-coupons-etiquette.html#comment-form

Please see this person's write up on e-coupons. It is very insightful and helpful. I think I will do just as she does and have one Tom Thumb/Kroger card with e-coupons and one without.

I do not want to use coupons fraudulently otherwise they could take them away! Let's keep the coupons rolling!

Samantha

Another Tom Thumb score...

Some great deals to be had at Tom Thumb this week! I luckily still had my $2/2 Kellogg's coupons so I scored on this deal! Hope you can see everything in the pic! My only FREE that is not in this pic is the Wonderbread!

Here is the breakdown:

Huggies diapers x 2 = $17.98

- $4.50 in ecoupons (cellfire $3 and shortcuts $1.50)

- $5 in MFG coupons

= $8.48 or $4.24 per Jumbo package!

I also get to submit this receipt for the Caregiver's rebate and money went into my uPromise account for this purchase!

Mini-Wheats Little Bites x 4 = $11.96
Rice Krispies x1 = $2.49
- TT discount $5
- MFG coupons $5
= $4.45 or $0.89 per box!

Kraft Cheese slices 24ozs x 2 = $2.98 (Three day sale!!!)

- $1.00 ecoupon

- $0.75/2 MFG coupon

= $1.23 or $0.62 each!!

Betty Crocker Potatoes $1.69

- $0.80 ecoupons

- $0.80 IP

= $0.09!

Capri Sun 100% Juice x 3 = $8.97
- $8.97 in FREE coupons from Nature Valley deal a couple of weeks ago!
= FREE!!!

Welch's Juice 640z $1.99

- $1.00 TT clearance sticker

- $1.00 IP

= - $0.01 Better than FREE

Wonderbread $0.99

- $1.10 ecoupons

=-$0.11 Better than FREE

Going back tomorrow for the Kleenex sale and possibly Windex sale! So I will most likely have another post! Kroger and Albertson's are just not as enticing with all of my ecoupon and MFG coupon combos!

Small Target Run

Now, my Target only takes one Target coupon at a time so I have not been doing as good as my friends with this because they also frown upon separate transactions. One time this manager flat out said I was not allowed to do multiple transactions! So frustrating! So I am playing by their rules and I just do not get anything extra besides the great deals!

Here is the breakdown of this pic:

Purina One Cat Food $5.99 - Target coupon $2/1 - MFG coupon $3/1 = $0.99
Purina Cat Litter $1.77 - MFG coupon $1/1 = $0.77
Bounce Dryer Bar $3.74 - Target coupon $1.50/1 - MFG coupon $1.50/ 1 = $0.74
Tide Stain Release 10 ct $3.74 - Target coupon $1.50/1 - MFG coupon $1.50/1 = $0.74
Cesar Bistro $0.89 x 2 - Target coupon BOGO - MFG coupon BOGO = FREE

Total OOP: $3.13
Total Saved: $15.52

September is over (UPDATED WITH SAVINGS!!!)

..the month of September is over and I am sure you are all wondering what my savings were for the month...little behind on the calculation but I hope to post tomorrow. I spent more than I wanted to this month but I have a trend it seems that one month will be way under and the next way over. This is something I need to work on and even out. I am not as "frugal" as I would like to be though my savings are grand! :-)



..just to let you know, this is what I spent at the grocery stores this month: $413.56
This almost makes me ill but I know I bought alot of diapers and pet food for cheap and will not have to buy for a while now! I even started stocking up on Size 2 diapers because I think Coltan will be out of size 1s before I know it and I still have about 10 packages left!!!

My breakdown on OOP (# of transactions in brackets):
Coupons Savings =CS
Store Savings = SS
Total Savings = TS
Savings Percentage = SP
Coupons Used = CU

Kroger (3): $76.56 CS: $88.70 SS: $62.82 TS: $151.52 SP: 66% CU: 70

Tom Thumb (7) :$96.32 CS: $97.91 SS: $136.88 TS: $234.79 SP: 71% CU: 96

Albertsons (7): $63.29 CS: $51.95 SS: $90.26 TS: $142.21 SP: 69% CU:43

TOTAL OOP: $236.17 CS: $238.56 SS: $289.96 TS: $528.52 SP: 69% CU: 209



Other stores to keep an eye on as well:

CVS (3) $11.71 CS: $40.86 SS: $72.73 TS: $113.59 SP: 90% CU: 13

You can see I have really fallen off of the CVS bandwagon as their sales have gone downhill for the past year!!!

Walgreens (20) : $42.80

Fuel: $245.81

Take-out: $60...WOW! That is a HUGE accomplishment for us! This is all since I have been back to work. Now mind you, I blew my grocery budget completely out of the water...but I will post the savings soon.

These are my categories that I want to keep an eye on! Husband is starting nursing school in December so I really need to learn to be frugal! This will be interesting!

P.S. Another budget buster...cell phone just crapped out on me so I had to get a new one. Went on eBay and found a nice Blackberry Pearl with all the accessories for $80! Plus I did it through uPromise so I get money back in an account for future use and earned $1.50 in eBay bucks! Better than nothing! Plus I am getting a new toy...hubby thinks I threw my phone in the toilet just so I could get a new one....hrmph...men!

Another Tom Thumb score!

..so like I said, I was happy that I didn't bring my Cocoa Puffs coupons because I did even better today than yesterday!

Retail price of pictured items: $32.70

OOP: $0.45!!!!!!!!!!

I had to throw the Tree Top juice in to the transaction to get my total above $0.00 otherwise it would have been a -$1.55 and they do not give cash back.

Breakdown:

Nature Valley Granola Clusters $2.50 x 6 = $15

TT Discount for buying 4 = <$6>

MFG coupons = <$6>

ecoupons = <3.60>

OOP: <.60> Money maker!

Cocoa Puffs $2.50

TT Discount = <$1.00>

MFG coupon = <$1.00)

ecoupon = <$2.25>

OOP: <1.75> Money Maker

Betty Crocker Fruit Snacks $2.50

TT Discount = <$1.00>

MFG coupon = <0.80>

ecoupon = <.40>

OOP: $0.30

Birdseye Steamfresh $1.50

MFG coupon = <$1.00>

OOP: $0.50

Tree Top Juice $2.00

Like I said, juice was not planned, I did not know I was going to go into the negative and we needed it in the house anyway! PLUS: I got two coupons for FREE CAPRI SUN 10 pks for buying 4 General Mills products! That is what is missing from my transaction yesterday so I will have to take my receipt to them tomorrow to get it!! :-)

I LOVE COUPONS!!!!!

Tom Thumb run this evening...

...and I took my four boys in tow with me and still saved money! My 8 year old, Ethan, is now at the point where he can push a stroller, so we pop Coltan into the Snap'n'Go, get Tristan and Ronan in the kids grocery cart that has the car on it, pop my binder in the front and we are good to go!

First stop was Tom Thumb since they had a Buy 4 Save $4 sale on General Mills items. There were a few loadables we could use plus manufacturer's coupons so this made the deal pretty sweet.

My four were:

Cinnamon Toast Crunch $0.55/1 IP
Trix x 2 $0.55/1 IP + $0.55/1 loadable
Betty Crocker Fruit Snacks $0.40/1 IP + $1.20 loadables came off in one transaction!

Total started at 4/$6 and ended after coupons at $1.80 for 4 items! Now it should have been less but my nice cashier forgot to scan the Cinnamon Toast Crunch so my automatic $4 did not come off and neither did my loadable coupon. Which is OK, because I left my $1/1 Cocoa Puffs coupons at home so I can go do this deal again for CHEAPER tomorrow! :-)

Another decent deal I took advantage of: Yoplait Yogurt. A staple in our house, we have been out for a while!!! Bought 12 @ $0.50 each. Used $0.50/6 and $0.40/6 plus $1.50 of loadables came off. So started at $6 and ended at $2.70 for 12 yogurts or $0.23 each.

Huggies diapers are my deal of the day!
Thanks to katycouponers.blogspot.com for the heads up on this!

Huggies diapers are $8.99 each WYB 2. So I bought 2 and used 2-$3/1 coupons (wish I had more of these!!!) that I got in the mail and then $5.50 in loadables came off!!!!
So started at $17.98 and ended at $6.48 for 2 jumbo packs of diapers! Or $3.24 per pack!!!

Gatorade 8 packs were on their 72 hour sale $3.99 and some had $1/1 peelies on them! $2.99 for 8 bottles of Gatorade! We just started Bantam football so my son is so happy we have these now!

I have been having troubles finding the Chef Michael's dog food at Target to get them for free with the BOGO and $3/1 coupons so we were dawdling down the pet food isle and I see Tom Thumb has it on sale for $3.99...well since these coupons expire tomorrow, I will take my dog food for $0.99! Thanks!!!

Going to search for my last of these coupons and see what stores have them in stock before work tomorrow!! Would post about Kroger but it is getting late and dishes are calling before bed!!

Goodnight everyone!

Have you ever....

...thought...WOW! Look at where I am in life..is this where I thought I would be when I was a little girl? Or even at 16? 21? Did I really think I would end up here?

...And where is here? Am I growing? Happy? Is my family happy?

It seems to be a constant worry on my mind is whether or not my boys are happy. Do I do enough for them? Am I raising them right? Are they content? Learning? What do I need to do to make life better for them?

Sometimes I feel as if I am failing. You look at other parents and compare yourself to them.

I look at my house and want to cry. But Mommy can't lose it. If Mommy loses it, we will all lose it and then what?

I look over my sleeping baby boys and just wish I could be more to them. I wish I was a better parent, a better wife, a better friend..yet for all this wishing...I never step up. I don't change my ways. I stay the same. Make the same mistakes over and over again.

And then I say, Yes, I can change. And I don't. It is a never ending cycle that I put my family through and for that I am sorry. I wish they all knew how sorry I was for who I am. They deserve better.